I am fading. I often wonder what might happen when I pass. Would there be bouquets on my doorstep? Would people cry in my funeral and tell funny stories about me? Would they remember me? It is narcissistic to think about how other people would react when you die but then it is the inevitability of death that makes us strive to be more. To achieve more. To gain and collect experiences and things in order to feel fulfilled. It is the inevitability of death that makes us live. Often I see life as a third person, floating about, peering through windows in other peoples lives; engulfing myself in other people's experiences. This is when I realized that I am fading. Just flipping through the pages instead of savouring every word. Going in and out, living in a monochromatic blur. I don't know if its normal to waste your days living other people's lives. Sitting in bed thinking how good life is for other people. I get jealous. Maybe its the fever kicking in but I feel worse thinking that as I fade, I don't think I'd be receiving any bouquets.
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How by Daughter, currently in my mind.
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