Mara's Death by Fetish: January 2017

I have always been anxious. Always on the verge of another breakdown. Always need a sense of security and control even though I firmly believe that both are just constructs placed to forget my crippling thoughts. These are the things I learned to keep myself afloat.

First, be satiated, keep satiated. What I mean is do things, involve and waste your time in trivial things. Watch movies, Youtube videos, organize your laptop files. Anything. My anxiety is kept at bay by a sense of accomplishment or small wins, such as writing this blog post. Achieving small goals in an interval helps me cope with the lack of self worth needed to function as a human being. lol.

Second, start a hobby. Or a few. Again in the same vein as the first one, achievements such as learning a new hobby entails dedication and determination, both ingredients in distracting oneself from inner negative thoughts. It's also a nice story to tell. In my experience, I have learned to knit, groom my dog, created DIY projects as gifts and as decor, hell I even learned how to make a watch strap in the process.

Third, clean. Either through pampering yourself or cleaning your surroundings. I have always found that cleaning the house gives a sense of peace. I would have a general cleaning day in a week and organize my things into neat bins, only to do so again the next week, because let's face it. No one can really keep their places insta// blogger neat. n o o n e.

Fourth, create. For me it's writing a poem and placing it in my collection, it's also dumping negative feelings in this blog and on a journal, it's creating things to do lists and things to buy and ticking them off one by one, it's updating my planner everyday, it's photoshop, rough sketches, and editing photos. Create. Share your load on paper and you will be liberated.

Lastly and most importantly, is positive self-talk. I know it sounds corny but daily affirmation and an accurate assessment of my surroundings and current situation has always helped me in dealing with events not familiar to me. There was a time when even ordering at a new restaurant and doing shopping meetups caused me crippling anxiety which meant I would pass out on the opportunity for some made up reason and just stalk my friends online but this helped me improve. Not saying I don't get those anymore, but most of the time, I don't let the discomfort stop me from experiencing life.

Specifically in social situations and meeting strangers, I think to myself "They want me here" "I am capable of conversing" "I am friendly and sociable" "There is no threat, I have something to share and offer" "They are people who want to interact with me". Anxiety in my experience, is caused by negative self-thought based on previous negative experiences like it. It is a thought process that undermines one's self-worth and blows up situations out of proportion; perceiving normal things such as interaction, as a threat. Affirming and seeing stressful situations as a friendly environment and perceiving strangers and acquaintances as inviting, helps in beating anxiety one situation at a time.

Note that these are activities that I do on my own. Experiencing things with friends is even better. But when you get an anxiety attack on your own, knowing how to deal without the comfort of other people and being comfortable with that is also okay.

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Monday, 30 January 2017

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