Post reading depression

When you're so engrossed in a book that when you finish it, you become disoriented. You forget the time and where you are, what was happening. You completely stop time, block out everything else in this world, only to be sucked in to another. There is only you and that book, the one that meant more to you than the author probably thought. You cry during the sad parts, laugh with the characters as if they were conversing with you, get scared and worried for them too. They would be your companions. You’d share a special relationship with them, for hours, even for days. But then you would only know them until where the author allows you to, nothing more but vast emptiness beyond the ending. You’re left to think that there wouldn’t be bad days, that everything would be okay from that point on. You believe that the characters exist somewhere. They couldn’t just be built from paper, not after the way they made you feel and how vivid it was. You would get plagued with the hope that somehow "this might happen to me too". But it wouldn’t. No not really, because in reality if life were a novel, it would just end at the good parts with nothing to look forward to, frozen in utmost bliss. We’d be nothing more than cardboard cutouts, a representation of something vital and yet lifeless at the same time.

I'm sorry, but I am really devastated now that the book I've been reading ended. I can't take the deprivation. :( 

Random Writing

It was raspberry red, in contrast with the jet black night, a rusty cap resting on top of the bottle. Pop! It screams as I take the cap off. No fizzle was found in the rich red liquid when it touched my lips. Wow, its warm and bitter guess I’m no different than this drink. It’s funny how I even make jokes and how lame I delivered it to my only companion; my rusted warm drink. I thought about everything that happened and how it led me to where I am now. I take a sip once more, letting it burn my throat, letting it numb my core. Things never get easy, but then all I had to do was to forget, live for the night, this is what it’s for. I down some more and tasted it; its rusty smell and metallic taste, I then philosophized how it is so similar yet different to blood. Back when, I would get into fights and lick the liquid that came from my busted lip. Could I die from this drink? Most nights I hope so, when would I have the guts to do it then? I amuse myself too much with possibilities and what ifs that’s why I never get anywhere. Inevitably, stuck in this in-between space with nothing to reminisce and nothing to look forward to. A bitter laugh escapes my lips, maybe I am crazy. I take long sips, by now I am getting used to its bitter taste and how it is supposed to be sweet but ended up being bitter from warming up, from waiting. I don’t want to wait that long. Loneliness takes its toll, suddenly I felt nauseous. In and out, in and out I instructed myself, I had to get out of here. It’s funny how I feel lonely even when I’m within a sea of people, drowning in them, how I had to mask everything I felt, then again everything seems funny with toxic in your bloodstream. Gulp, gulp, gulp. What’s even more amusing is how I managed to fuck up my life in a short period of time. How I cherished the haziness, dream-like trance this poison gave me, otherwise where would I be? Back to being nothing, back to being replaced and forgotten. With one last sip the once full bottle has now been emptied, by then I had a reason to leave. The night was cold, I think I’m gonna get a windburn, while the shadows and laughter intertwined with silence as I went farther away. Suddenly my footsteps grew louder, thud, thud, thud. My heartbeat, raced. But then I could still remember, still felt the pain like a dull knife, never causing serious damage but forced upon the skin enough to leave a trace; scars I would never forget. I’d welcome the strangers again, the company of misery, the promise of facing everything if I don’t turn back. Suddenly, I smelt a seductive aroma, bitter and sweet. I remembered the cold, smooth surface of the bottle against its warm, dreamy contents, the rusty cap and its satisfying pop. It was something more appealing, than what I had to face, it was a way to forget. It was raspberry red, in contrast with the jet black night, let’s forget it cooed. Yes, let’s forget.

Book Review: The Happiness Project One-Sentence Journal by Gretchen Rubin

source: google images

 I am not really a committed person, well, I mean I am committed but I tend to focus on one thing and one thing only at a time. I focus all my energy on that one commitment. I made myself keep a journal, but unlike most people I actually keep 2 journals one for the happy and one for the sad times. But to be honest, the happy times journal didn't have much inside, the sad one containing pages and pages in script without much spacing. You could say I am battling depression and low self-esteem.  But then I got this book, the 5 - year journal one by Gretchen Rubin (I will read her Happiness Project book when I get my hands on it) wherein you just put one sentence a day. There isn't much hassle and it actually kept my suicidal, depressing state at bay. With one sentence a day, I thought of the best thing that happened during that day, who would want to remember something sad say, in 5 years or so right? and that one short phrase or sentence made me grateful for what I have, even if its just complete nonsense. The small things, a piece of dialogue, normal happenings, small achievements. Recollection is very important, and keeping this type of journal is key especially for those who are battling depression, otherwise why would journals be invented, right? This is not a marketing stunt, this is just my opinion, based on experience and on how I keep negativity away. Hell, you don't even have to buy this, just keep a one-sentence journal and stick to it. I bought this because I liked the layout and how you could see under one date the 5 years you've written. This actually replaced my 2 journals!

Keeping in mind that you only have space for 1 sentence a day you would be inclined to pick the best memory of the day. You would be able to practice a "small win" mentality or "salami technique" which is basically setting achievable, short-term goals. Stop disqualifying the positive and magnifying the negative, have a sense of fulfillment upon finishing your commitment and in keeping this 5 year journey. Best of all, you would be able to recall what happened everyday for 5 years. You have something to look forward to and something to cherish in years to come and as Rubin says "The days are long but the years are short" so why waste something you could never earn back?

Hope this helps!

DIY Nail Polish Stand

Hi! So I really wanted to but one of those transparent racks you drill on your wall but then I saw this 3 tier cupcake holder and thought this will do So I just added a bit of detail on to it and it now holds most of my nail polish! Not to mention this is really cheap vs buying an acrylic holder. (I got this from Divisoria for less than 70php) This would do for now.

  

Materials Used:

Cupcake Holder

A Pair Scissors

 Duct Tape

Scalpel (Really Important)

Double Sided Tape

 One strip could be sliced into 4 actually, then afterwards, tape it to the side of the piece then cut off the excess using the scalpel. It really made the job easier for me and made the cut really precise. I go the scalpel from Saizen.

The surface is easy to destroy even just a little tug would create ripples on the surface. So

 if you commit any mistake then just use double sided tape.

TADA!

 Say Hi Liam!

Don't forget to glue gun the sides and inner corners of your nail polish holder so that it would be even more sturdy!

Enjoy designing your nail polish holder!

Book Review: The Lovers Dictionary

                          

David Levithan's Lovers Dictionary is a very short read. I literally read it for 1 and a half hour (I time myself when I read) it was really confusing at first cause the characters were nameless, the events alphabetical and not chronological but once you understand the circumstances you'd be able to formulate what is happening. I admire this book because you need not know who they are, what they've done or anything relating to their past as individuals. All you know about them is their present; who they are within the relationship. The author lets you make your own assumptions and yes, even the conclusion. I loved the use of the words at the very begining of each story and how they connected in one way or another to the story and eventually to their relationship. Unfortunately though if you ignore the way it was presented, the love story itself is quite shallow. No, not shallow, realistic. Basically, its about a couple who made decisions too fast, too soon. I won't spill anything more than that and quite frankly there's nothing else to spill. The couple recounts the story of their relationship in a  very factual, straight to the point manner, no childish "forever" crap, no lovey dovey "butterflies in my stomach" and he/she-centric thing going on. It's more of the real stuff, real couples encounter, like how it felt like for them to live together for the first time or how the small things the other does annoy them. It's a disenchantment from the clitché relationship. Cynical yet captivating.

Update Haul

Yeah I think most of the time I just post hauls but never get to do reviews. I swear I'd do them now.

So Claire's opened here in the Philippines! Yay! I know I'm a bit late in breaking the news but yay! I was just so happy when they opened here. Now its time to buy really cute things. Haha. My favorite from the bunch I got from there is the UK Flag accessories holder. If you take a closer look at it there are holes for the earings. I love it, and its in theme with my room plus I have access to my most used accessories! Also visited NYX there, bought their matte lippies, a lip liner, a matte not flat liquid foundie and a blush. I didn't get my hands on the jumbo eye pencils though. They were out of stock when I asked. Most likely they would restock this November. I was suppose to get them in Milk and Yogurt. The natural pallet was out of stock also. These were the main reasons why I even went to the store but then they hadnon of what I was looking for *sigh*

 Read David Levithan's Lover's Dictionary and started the Happiness Project (which is also part 1 of my gift for my bestfriend, hopefully she won't read this blog post soon) both would be reviewed in a different post. Then I got the Body Shop  Cream foundie in the shade Natural Vanilla cause they were on sale! From 1,600php I got them for 1,100php but I was also a LYB member so I got an extra 120php off! Yay savings! I also got an Olive Body Butter tub which is free if you reach 2,500php and up (apparently I still bought a lot but still I got 4 items for the price of 2) lastly I got a Charm angled eyebrow brush, loved the fact that it was black and metalic pink and also the quality of the brush. Love the precision it gives me!

Sorry for being all over the place but I'd rather give substance to these haul posts instead of me putting them aside then eventually forgetting about them.

Review: China Glaze No-Chip Top Coat

So I thought I'd make a short review for the China Glaze Top Coat. Well, it costs around 450php so for a nail polish I hoped it would deliver. I've tried it on top of my mani and it only lasted about 2 days without chipping. To be quite honest, I don't think it makes a big difference with the lasting power of my mani for the price. Maybe its because I wash my hands a lot and I scrub my hair really well when I bathe? I don't know why it won't stay on too long. But my feet are a different story. On my feet, it actually stayed for around 2 weeks and I wear closed shoes all the time but still it did not chip off. I'm happy about it, so I will keep purchasing this when I finish the bottle but I probably won't use it for my hands cause I don't see a major difference in the staying power for it.